Big Changes, Big Feelings

Acknowledge the impact of transitions

I get to support some friends right now in the middle of my own transition while they bring new life into this world by watching over their other little 3-year-old. I’ve been able to get up with her in the morning, read books, eat breakfast, play ball with the boys, and get ready for school. This morning was one of those mornings.

We had so much fun and she’s doing great navigating all the new things and anticipating meeting her little sister. “I’m going to be a big sister! And I’ll help my mom and dad with dinner and I’ll make little waffie’s for baby cheetah!” She’s just the cutest!

I take her to school and get her out of the car to head into the building for the day. I grab her water bottle, put it in her backpack, and help her out of her carseat. She koala hugs me as soon as she gets out and I ask her if she wants to walk or if she wants me to carry her. I don’t know if she’s at the age where her parents want me to have her walk more than hold her but I figured, we can talk about that later. For this morning, I’ll hold her!

We walked slowly into the school building because we also weren’t in a rush and honestly, what a lesson for my own heart to be learning. Especially since these last couple months have felt nothing short of waking up every morning running a marathon all day.

As we’re walking into school she’s not just resting on my hip but she’s hugging me with what feels like her whole heart. I about cried as I hugged her back. I said, “Thank you so much for the hugs, that’s so sweet of you to give. I think I needed a big hug too this morning.”

What a gift to be reminded in the sweetest and smallest of ways, what’s really important in life. Of what we’re able to see and experience if we allow ourselves to be so present in our mini-moments. I could have rushed us out the car, into the school, passed the check-in pad, and giving the backpack to the teacher as she entered her classroom. We didn’t need to though, we were fine on time. Life just gets like that if we don’t catch it.

I probably walked the slowest with her from the car to her classroom than I’ve walked in months. Honestly, probably years would be more like it. Wanting to soak up every minute of presence knowing it’ll be like everything in life, cyclical. There will be a time where I won’t be able to hold her like that.

So today I held her walking in as long as she wanted me to and tomorrow I’ll figure out if it needs to be different.

As I gave her backpack to her teacher, I gave her one last big hug and told her to have a great day and that I’d see her later. As I’m leaving the school I look around at the tables of pamphlets they have for parents, kiddos, community events, and all sorts of things you could imagine at a preschool.

“Helping Your Little One Navigate Big Changes,” caught my eye. I’m not surprised.

I was just on the phone last night sharing with someone what’s been happening in this transition recently. A lot of unexpected circumstances and puzzle pieces that have left me feeling like I keep doing something wrong with the way that everything ‘isn’t’ working out. Because we also know on a deeper level that it is working out just in a different way and instead of seeing it that way, I’m just slapping on a label that it’s wrong therefore making myself wrong.

See, rabbit hole.

Let’s come back.

We’re such meaning makers when it comes to this life stuff. If we can neutralize it a bit more and see more of ourselves through the process, then I think it wouldn’t get so heavy.

That topic in the conversation last night ended in, “Yeah I mean, it makes sense. You’re going through a pretty big transition.” Simple, right? Not something I’ve been seeing for myself. That stuck with me when I woke up this morning and then I saw that pamphlet and my heart melted. I haven’t been acknowledging the impact of this transition.

My whole life has been transition, I think all of ours is. I’ve changed careers with two degrees, did travel nursing for 6.5 years, got married and divorced, moved more times than I can even count or remember at this point, and I’m currently in probably the biggest reevaluation of my life and my career to-date.

Talk about being uncomfortable.